Quotes

>Rachel Dinwiddie<

2006-02-03T06:22:00.000-08:00

nonsense. We all loose the ability to dress ourselves at somepoint

>Robert Anthony<

2006-02-02T06:35:00.000-08:00

Most people would rather be certain they're miserable than risk being happy.

>Jill DeYoung<

2006-01-27T09:31:00.000-08:00

Perspective is what makes the world great and horrible.

>Michael Pritchard<

2006-01-27T07:59:00.000-08:00

You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.

>Rich Cook<

2006-01-14T12:13:00.000-08:00

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

Good women....

2005-12-20T09:18:00.001-08:00

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new
wives straight on their duties.

The first man had married a woman from Alabama. He bragged that he had
told his wife to do all the dishes and clean the house. He said that it
took her a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to a clean
house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from So. Carolina. He bragged that he
had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and
the cooking. He told the men that the first day he didnt see any results,
but by the next day it was better, and on the third day, his house was
clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a Massachusetts girl. He boasted that he told
her his house was to be cleaned, dishes washed, the cooking done and
laundry folded. And this was all her responsibility. He said the first day
he didnt see anything and the second day he didnt see anything but by
the third day some of the swelling had gone down so he could see a little out of his left eye

A funny Joke

2005-12-20T09:18:00.000-08:00

Provo, Utah (AP) - A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a Provo courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the BYU Cougars whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

>Jill deyoung<

2005-12-14T08:36:00.000-08:00

Well everyone sees things differently, that's why so much horrible and amazing things happen in this world. Its all about decisions and perspective

The Night before Finals

2005-12-03T10:24:00.000-08:00

Twas the night before finals,
And all through the college,
The students were praying
For last minute knowledge.

Most were quite sleepy,
But none touched their beds,
While visions of essays
Danced in their heads.

Out in the taverns,
A few were still drinking,
And hoping that liquor
Would loosen their thinking.

In my own apartment,
I had been pacing,
And dreading exams
I soon would be facing.

My roomate was speechless,
His nose in his books,
And my comments to him
Drew unfriendly looks.

I drained all the coffee,
And brewed a new pot,
No longer caring
That my nerves were shot.

I stared at my notes,
But my thoughts were muddy,
My eyes were ablur,
I just couldn't study.

"Some pizza might help,"
I said with a shiver,
But each place I called
Refused to deliver.

I'd nearly concluded
That life was too cruel,
With futures depending
On grades had in school.

When all of a sudden,
Our door opened wide,
And Patron Saint Put It Off
Ambled inside.

His spirit was careless,
His manner was mellow,
He looked down at me,
And started to bellow:

"What kind of student
Would make such a fuss,
To toss back at teachers
What they tossed at us?"

"On Cliff Notes! On Crib Notes!
On Last Year's Exams!
On Wingit and Slingit,
And Last minute crams!"

His message delivered,
He vanished from sight,
But we heard him laughing
Outside in the night.

"Your teachers have pegged you,
So just do your best,
Happy Finals to All,
And to All, a Good Test!"

>Hesketh Pearson<

2005-11-19T21:16:00.000-08:00

Misquotation is, in fact, the pride and privilege of the learned. A widely- read man never quotes accurately, for the rather obvious reason that he has read too widely.

>Jill's Mom<

2005-11-08T10:23:00.000-08:00

In this life I'm a woman,
In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear.
When you're a bear, you get to hibernate.
You do nothing but sleep for six months.
I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate,
your're supposed to eat yourself stuipd.
I could deal with that too.

When you're a girl bear,
you birth your children
(who are the size of walnuts)
while you're sleeping and wake up to
partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs.
I could definately deal with that.

If you're a mama bear,
everyone knows you mean business.
You swat anyone who bothers your cubs,.
If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too.
I could deal with that.

If you're a bear,
your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling,
He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.
YUP, I'm gonna be a bear!

To avoid situations in which you might make mistakes may be the biggest mistake of all.

2005-11-04T21:09:00.000-08:00

>Peter McWilliams<

i am so head over heels, i barf rainbows

2005-11-04T14:53:00.000-08:00

>Courtney Wallace<

no you just have to be attractive in a blanket - if it's cold that automatically makes sharing a blanket even more attractive

2005-11-03T08:20:00.000-08:00

>Chris Dalton<

>Norm Papernick<

2005-11-02T10:50:00.000-08:00

Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad.

< Will Rogers>

2005-11-01T12:11:00.000-08:00

Ukulele: a so-called musical instrument which, when listened to, you cannot tell whether one is playing on it or just monkeying with it.

My wife died in the war in heaven, so I have to wait til the milenium to meet her.

2005-10-31T13:30:00.000-08:00

< Brian Gosnell>

I hope your face feels better

2005-10-27T08:08:00.000-07:00

>Sarah Hansen<

"Theres nothing sweeter than an IM BM"

2005-10-24T20:30:00.000-07:00

-Alex Rogers-
IM BM = Instant Message Bowel Movement

"SMILE, It's the second best thing you can do with your lips."

2005-10-18T08:03:00.000-07:00

>Catherine Hamilton<

love's a gamble, and the odds of winning are worse than the lottery

2005-10-17T19:29:00.000-07:00

>Rette<

>Liz Phair<

2005-10-13T09:06:00.000-07:00

I bet it makes you laugh
Watching me work so hard to reach you
You never gave a damn
About all of those things I did to please you

All that you wanted, you found somewhere else

I'm gonna hold it in my hand

2005-10-10T17:48:00.000-07:00

>Some guy named Matt<

It's okay, I'm short

2005-10-10T17:47:00.000-07:00

>My dad<

Honesty can make your girlfriend cry

2005-10-10T17:44:00.001-07:00

Divine Comedy

Weird is good

2005-10-10T17:44:00.000-07:00

>Janae Holt<

No, weird is weird

2005-10-10T17:43:00.001-07:00

>Desiree Marchant<

The hand is mightier than the sword.....

2005-10-10T17:43:00.000-07:00

>Cory Milton Dahl<

I just got gayed twice.

2005-10-10T17:42:00.000-07:00

>Dave Mortimer<

I just got gayed by Chris.

2005-10-10T17:41:00.001-07:00

>Dave Mortimer<

"wade, you're like marijuanna, you're a gateway drug"

2005-10-10T17:41:00.000-07:00

>Sparky Mortimer<

so does that make us all architects?

2005-10-10T17:40:00.002-07:00

>Scott Pack<

We need to get the estrogen level back up in the apartment... where's Eric?

2005-10-10T17:40:00.001-07:00

>me<

I am not a camel. I am a llama

2005-10-10T17:40:00.000-07:00

>Some guys T-shirt<

>Crystal Bunn<

2005-10-10T17:39:00.000-07:00

"Cucmbers aren't animals!"
"Pickles aren't plants"
"I have Pickle AIDS"

>Richard Walsh<

2005-10-10T17:37:00.002-07:00

Disorganization is merely a sign of a very healthy individual trying to do more in a shorter time than those lazy, obsessively tidy types who can think of nothing better to do than straighten objects in drawers and stuff like that which only feeds their own egos and makes them think they’re better than those of us who are truly gifted!

Singing loudly is not my forte

2005-10-10T17:37:00.001-07:00

>Vicky Hatton<

"It's just a promise ring....NO DIAMONDS"

2005-10-10T17:37:00.000-07:00

>Courtney Wallace<

Spiritually Minded Is Life Eternal - SMILE

2005-10-10T17:35:00.001-07:00

>2 Nephi 9:39<

Nothing's absolutely definite till it's absolutely, definitely gone.

2005-10-10T17:35:00.000-07:00

>????<

>Tim and I<

2005-10-10T17:34:00.000-07:00

So is that what they eat in the Albanian Hills?
You mean Bavaria...
Yeah

Whoever came up with the idea 'Hey, I like you, let's mash our faces together' or 'Hey, I like you, let's hold hands'?

2005-10-10T17:33:00.000-07:00

>Catherine Hamilton<

Nothing in the universe can double faster than confusion and misunderstanding.

2005-10-10T17:19:00.000-07:00

>Sharbrough's Law<

If you wait til the last minute, it'll only take a minute

2005-10-10T17:18:00.001-07:00

>Sean<

Pray for the Lord's protection while driving.

2005-10-10T17:18:00.000-07:00

LDS Missionary Handbook

>the Laws of the Universe<

2005-10-10T17:17:00.000-07:00

You have to be black to sell the ABCs
The Fourth Law of the Universe

Making out is fun
The Third Law of the Universe

I dont remember the first 2 laws of the universe

Service is the secret of happiness

2005-10-10T17:16:00.001-07:00

>Elder Tiegert<

>FRIENDS<

2005-10-10T17:16:00.000-07:00

Joey: Prepare to feel bad about yourself.
Chandler: I've been preparing my whole life to feel bad about myself.

I have just pissed in my pants, and nobody can do anything about it.

2005-10-10T17:14:00.001-07:00

>Dances With Wolves<

>Jonathan Austin<

2005-10-10T17:14:00.000-07:00

Love makes us cry.

Monkeys make monkeys, not people

Laughter gives cancer, so you're gonna die.

2005-10-10T17:13:00.002-07:00

>Tommy Beach<

LOL, he looks like Lehi

2005-10-10T17:13:00.001-07:00

>Bryce Bourland<

Mormons....instant family

2005-10-10T17:13:00.000-07:00

>Meagan Welch<

>Megan KKs away message<

2005-10-10T17:12:00.000-07:00

*I climbed up the door, and opened the stairs, said my pajamas and put on my prayers. Then I turned off the bed and crawled in to the light--all because you kissed me goodnight.*

yeah but there are a tons of em, made me laugh and almost poop myself

2005-10-10T17:11:00.000-07:00

>Chris Hamby<

Nobody dies a virgin, cuz life screws us all.

2005-10-10T17:10:00.000-07:00

>Malicious Intentions Wolfenstein Server<